Moving On Pt. 2-The Wallet Doesn't Lie

speaker-0: You can blame the lawyer, you can blame the split, you can blame the judge, but your financial behavior before, during, and after the divorce, that's yours. Today we look at it straight. This is the while it doesn't lie. Thanks for tuning in to Rooted in Christ. After divorce. Divorce rarely gets talked about in the church, but we open up the conversation Christian men seeking healing and

speaker-1: Men. Fuck.

speaker-0: strength and a renewed walk with God. Each episode we focus on spiritual life, mental health, emotional recovery, physical wellness, financial stability, and your future. Stay rooted, high strong divorce is all right, brothers, welcome back to Rooted in Christ men after divorce. I'm Carlton, Reverend Jerome is with me. We're doing part two of the high cost of moving on.

speaker-1: Right. you

speaker-0: And today we're reading bank statements like this scripture, because in a way they are.

speaker-1: Like that framing, Carlton. A man's bank statement is like a spiritual document. Well, it shows where his heart is, it shows what he fears, it shows what he's avoiding, and after a divorce, it tells the story of the money, mental health cycle more clearly than almost a any other, better than any other artifact. In his life.

speaker-0: So today we're going to teach you how to read it, how to see the emotional patterns in your financial data, how to use that information to break the cycle that's costing you thousands you don't have to spend.

speaker-1: So let's look at the patterns, Carlton. I want us to walk the brothers through five specific spending signatures that show up consistently in divorce men running the money mental health cycle. And I want them to be honest with yourselves about which ones you recognize in your life.

speaker-0: Okay, let's go.

speaker-1: Signature one. Weekend clustering. The spending happens on Friday and Saturday nights disproportionately. That's when the silence of the new life is loudest. Restaurants, bars, entertainment. This is the loudness tax being paid in real time.

speaker-0: Signature 2. Post-conflict spending spikes. Every time there's a difficult interaction with the ex, with a lawyer, around the kids, there's a correspondent purchase. It's emotional spinning as a reset button.

speaker-1: Signature three identity purchases clothing, grooming, fitness equipment beyond what's practically needed. The man is rebuilding his external identity because the internal one feels fractured.

speaker-0: Signature four relational acceleration costs. The new relationship is moving faster than it should financially. Gifts, trips, dinners, loans, because slowing down means being alone again.

speaker-1: And signature five, the guilt gift. Extravagant spending on the kids, driven not by their needs, but by the father's need to not be seen as the one who broke the family. The children become the audience for a performance of adequacy.

speaker-0: Your bank statement is a map of your pain. Read it like one. Hold up, brothers, before we go any deeper, real quick, if this episode is speaking to you, do three things right now. Like this episode, subscribe to the show, and this is the big one. Tell another brother. Text him the link right now. Tag him on social, pull him in. Because somebody in your circle is sitting alone wondering if anyone understands what he's going through, and this show could be the answer to that prayer.

speaker-1: Rooted in Christ Men After Divorce is available on every major podcast platform. Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, iHeartRadio, YouTube Music, Pandora, and wherever you listen to podcasts. Search Rooted in Christ Men After Divorce. Hit subscribe and leave us a five star review. That review helps another divorced man find this community at exactly the moment he needs it most.

speaker-0: And go to rooted in Christmen dot org to sign up for our free weekly devotional. Join our private online community for the divorced Christian men and get the tools and resources to help you rebuild the right way. Spirit, mind, and wallet. In Christmen.org. Okay, Rev, you've identified the patterns. Now, what does a man actually do with the information?

speaker-1: Really? He does what I call the monthly financial mirror practice. Once a month, you sit with your bank statement and you go line by line, but not to judge yourself, just to ask the simple question next to each significant purchase. What was I feeling when I made this decision? What was I doing when I made this decision? What was I thinking about when I made this decision?

speaker-0: You're connecting the emotional dot to the financial dot.

speaker-1: Exactly. And over ninety days, there's going to be a pattern that's going to emerge. You'll see clearly, undeniably, when and why the cycle runs. And with that data, you can begin to build different responses. Before the Friday night loneliness hits, you have a plan. Before the difficult co parenting call, you have an accountability partner. that you can call and ⁓ instead of opening your credit card app.

speaker-0: I want to bring in the faith angle on this because I think some brothers compartem compartmentalize it like God is for the spiritual stuff and the financial stuff is just practical. Reb, blow that up.

speaker-1: Matthew 6 21, where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Jesus is not giving financial advice here in a narrow sense. He's establishing the indivisible connection between what we love, what we fear, and where we put our resources. Your finances are not separate from your faith. They are an expression of it.

speaker-0: So when you're spending to manage pain, you're essentially saying, God, I don't trust you. You can handle what I'm feeling. I need to handle it myself, with my visa.

speaker-1: That's one of the most humbling ways I've heard it said. Yes, financial impulsiveness after divorce is often a trust deficit. And the healing of the trust deficit is the healing of the spending pattern. Right.

speaker-0: steps rev give me the playbook for building a new response to the cycle.

speaker-1: Step one, the seventy two hour rule any non essential purchase over one hundred dollars waits seventy two hours. No exceptions. That pattern creates the space for wisdom to enter the decision.

speaker-0: Step two emotion logging. Before you spin, you write down what you're feeling. One sentence. It doesn't have to be eloquent. I'm lonely, I want to book a trip. Just name it. The act of naming often dissolves the urgency. Instead.

speaker-1: Step three Accountability Architecture You build a financial accountability relationship before you need it. A man you can call at 9 PM on a Friday night when the silence is loud and you want to go hit the club and and you got your credit card out at the same time. That call is worth thousands.

speaker-0: Step four, root level healing. You invest in your mental health as aggressively as you invest in your financial recovery. Because they're the same. Find yourself a good counselor and start using them. Brothers, your wallet doesn't lie, and neither does God. Listen to both of them together. The pattern in your bank statement is an invitation to go deeper, to heal more completely, to build the financial future that your next season deserves.

speaker-1: The God who fed Elijah under the broom tree when he wanted to quit, that same God is in this financial season with you. God sees the pattern, God knows the pain, and God has a plan that includes your financial healing. Come find your community at Rooted in Christmen dot org.

speaker-0: And remember, stay rooted, rise strong. Divorce is not you. Until next time, we love you, brothers. See you the next time.

speaker-1: Take care. This podcast is for educational and inspirational purposes only. The hosts and guests are not licensed professionals, and content is not legal, financial, or mental health advice. Seek qualified experts for personal guidance. Views expressed are those of the host and guest, not affiliated organizations.