Faith After Divorce: Crossing to the Other Side

speaker-1: Alright, no script, no polish, just real talk.

speaker-0: We talked about the battle.

speaker-1: He brought in an attorney, gave you the legal reality, nobody sugarcoats.

speaker-0: This is where we find out what your faith is actually made of.

speaker-1: not faith when life is good, faith when the gavel fall. Let's go.

speaker-0: Thank you for tuning in to Rooted Cribs, Men After Divorce. It's talked about in the church.

speaker-1: divorce divorce really get but we open up a renewed war with God. Each episode we focus on spiritual life, health, emotional recovery, physical well-being, financial stability, your future. Stay rooted on the

speaker-0: Would we like mental health? illness, finance. Rise strong. Divorce isn't you.

speaker-1: Welcome back, brothers. I'm Carlton. This is Rooting in Christ, Men After Divorce, Faith Under Fire, Part 3, the series finale. And Reverend Jerome is with me. Rev, before we hit record, you said something I need you to repeat right now.

speaker-0: I said, most men don't need another motivational speech after a divorce. They need somebody to sit down across from them and be honest with them, talk shop. So that's what we're doing today.

speaker-1: That's exactly what we're doing. No performance, no church voice, just two men talking to other men. And if this is your first episode, go back and listen to parts one and two first. This series was built in order. Today, we close it out. Real quick before we get into it, if this series has helped you, if part one or part two hit you somewhere real, do something right now. Like this episode, drop a comment, share it with a brother who's going through it. You never know who's sitting in their car right now needing to hear exactly what we're about to say.

speaker-0: And the good thing is we're on all major platforms. Spotify, Apple, Podcasts, YouTube, you name it, Amazon Music, whatever you listen to, find us, follow us, so you'll never miss an episode.

speaker-1: If you want to go deeper, go to RudyandChristMen.org. Sign up. Get connected to the community. There are men on that platform who have been exactly where you are right now. Alright, let's get into it. Rev, let's just start here. We've done three episodes on this topic. Why does it matter so much to close the series strong?

speaker-0: Because too many men start a healing process and never finish it. It's like New Year's resolutions. Boom, couple days and it's gone. You get a little better, a little numb, a little distracted, but you never actually get to the other side. They just learn to manage the wound instead of getting it closed.

speaker-1: And that half-heeled man is dangerous.

speaker-0: Dangerous to himself, dangerous to his kids, dangerous to the next relationship, dangerous to your purpose. A man walking around with an unaddressed wound from divorce is operating at half capacity and doesn't even know it.

speaker-1: So this episode is about finishing something, not just surviving the divorce, actually crossing to the other side.

speaker-0: And I want to be clear, crossing to the other side doesn't mean you forget about what happened. It doesn't mean it didn't hurt. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Doesn't mean you still don't have a hard day sometimes. What it means is the wound is no longer running your life.

speaker-1: Say that again because somebody needs to hear it.

speaker-0: It means the wound is no longer running your life.

speaker-1: Okay, let's talk about where most men actually are when they come to this episode, because it's not the same for everybody. Some men are one week out from the divorce being found. Some are two years out and still stuck. What do you say to both of these men?

speaker-0: To the man one week out, give yourself permission to not be okay right now. You just went through traumatizing significant event in your life. Something that touched your identity, touched your fatherhood, touched your finances, touched your faith. Don't let anybody rush your grief because you have to process it your way. Not your boys, not your family, not your

speaker-1: And a man two years out who still stu-

speaker-0: Gonna be direct with him at some point. And I say this with love, staying stuck becomes a choice. Not because the pain isn't real. The pain is real, but because God is not calling you to build a monument to your worst season. God is calling you to go forward in your life.

speaker-1: That's the edge right there. Some men have made a divorce their entire identity. It's all they talk about, all they think about. Two years later, and they're still introducing themselves by what they lost.

speaker-0: And God is standing there saying, that's not who I called you to be. That's not what I wrote over your life.

speaker-1: Alright Rev, give us the word. What does God actually say to the man sitting in the rubble?

speaker-0: Well, to give you a good example, I want to go to Job. And I want men to really sit with this because Job's story is not just about patience. It's about what God does on the other side of total devastation. Because Job 42.10 says, Lord will restore, the Lord restored his fortunes. In fact, the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before. After everything, after losing his family, his finances, his health, his reputation, after his friends told him he must have done something wrong for all this to happen to him. Friends, how many of us have him? After sitting in the ashes, God showed up with twice as much.

speaker-1: twice as much And I want to be clear, this is not a prosperity gospel thing. We're not saying follow Jesus and get rich. We're saying God is a God of restoration, not just repair.

speaker-0: There's a big difference between repair and restoration. Repair is patching what was broken. Restoration is building something better than what you had. God doesn't do patch jobs. God rebuilds from the foundation of

speaker-1: And the foundation, that's the part divorce can't touch.

speaker-0: Amen. Well, let's go to Isaiah 43, 18 and 19, because this is the new season scripture. God says, forget the former things. Do not dwell on the past. See, I'm doing a new thing. Now it springs up. Do you not perceive it?

speaker-1: Okay, do you not perceive it? That's the question.

speaker-0: Because the new thing doesn't always announce itself with fireworks. Sometimes it's quiet, a new opportunity, a new connection, a moment of clarity, a morning where you wake up and it doesn't hurt as bad as it did last week. That's the new thing starting in your life.

speaker-1: And you can miss it if you're too busy staring at what ended.

speaker-0: That's why God says forget the former things. Not pretend that they didn't happen. Not suppress the pain. But stop making the former things the lens through which you see everything else.

speaker-1: R.I.V.E. I want to get personal for a second because this series is called Faith Under Fire for a reason. I think some men listening are going to have to ask themselves a hard question before this episode is over. Alright! Do you actually believe God is still for you? Not theoretically, not Sunday morning. Do you right now, sitting where you are, actually believe that God has not abandoned you and that something good is still ahead? ⁓

speaker-0: Go ahead and ask it. the question that separates the men who cross over from the men who stay stuck. Because you can know every scripture. You could have been in church your whole life and still in the quiet not actually believe that God is real.

speaker-1: Not for everybody else, for you.

speaker-0: And God is not offended by that question. God's waiting for you to ask it honestly because an honest question gets an honest answer. Romans 831 says, if God is for us, who can be against us? Not if God is for the good people, not if God is for the people who didn't get divorced, if God is for us, us, all of us.

speaker-1: Period. Divorcing all, broken and all, angry and all. God is still for you. All right, we're almost at the close, Rev. Talk straight to the man. No cushion. What does he need to do this week?

speaker-0: Hey, three things. One, have an honest conversation with God. Not ⁓ necessarily a prayer, a prayer list. Talk to God, be real with God. God, help me get through this. Have an honest conversation with God. Tell God that you're angry. Tell God that you're hurt. Tell God that you're confused, scared. Whatever you're going through, tell God. What's going on? Because God already knows. God is just waiting for you to stop pretending and be real with yourself.

speaker-1: Okay, what's number two?

speaker-0: Write down one thing you're believing God for in this season. know, just one thing, like your relationship with your kids, your purpose, your business, your healing, your ministry, whatever it is, that main thing that you're focused on, write it down. Date it and put it somewhere you'll see every morning. Look at it every morning. Say it to yourself every morning. God, I want a better relationship with my kids. Boom. God, I want a better relationship with my kids. And this way you're saying it, you're going to speak it into reality. Get connected.

speaker-1: And three.

speaker-0: Stop doing this alone. The enemy loves isolated men. A man by himself with no accountability, no community, no brother speaking life into his life. That man is vulnerable. Get in a room with other men who are talking through this and walking through it and y'all can talk it out.

speaker-1: And that's exactly what RootingChristMen.org is built for. That's the room. Go sign up. Get connected. The community is there. The resources are there. Men who have been exactly where you are, and they're there, as well as us. Brothers, three episode. We've been in the fire with you. We talked about the battle. We heard the legal reality. And today we close it out with this. The judge had the final word in your marriage, but God has the final word on your life.

speaker-0: And God is not done with you, not even close. Proverbs 24-16 says, just man falls seven times and rises again. The fall was not the end, the rising is still in progress.

speaker-1: So here's what I need you to do right now before you close this app. Like this episode, leave a comment if it's just, I just needed this. Share it with one man, one brother, one friend, one coworker who you know is going through it and hasn't told anybody.

speaker-0: Share it with people because you might be the reason that that brother doesn't give

speaker-1: Find us on all the major platforms Spotify, Apple, Podcasts, YouTube, Amazon, Music. Search Rooted in Christ Men After Divorce. Subscribe so you can never miss an episode and go to RootedInChristMen.org. Sign up, get in the community and start walking this out with brothers who get it.

speaker-0: That's right. And brothers, I want to leave you with this. That the fourth tree has your name on it, but it doesn't define you. It doesn't describe you. And it does not determine what God does next in your life.

speaker-1: Divorce is not you. Say that to yourself. Divorce is not you. You're a man called, chosen, and still standing. And the same God who brought you through the fire is the same God who's walking with you into the next season. Rise strong. Divorce is not you. That's our series, Faith Under Fire, done.

speaker-0: Stay rooted! Is not you.

speaker-1: We'll see you on the next one, Rooting in Christ, Men After Divorce.

speaker-0: This podcast is for educational and inspirational purposes only. The host and guests are not licensed professionals and content is not legal, financial or mental health advice. Seek qualified experts for personal guidance. Views expressed are those of the host and guests, not affiliated organization.