3 F Words Men Need to Conquer After Divorce

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speaker-0: What's up brothers? Welcome back to Rooted in Christ, Men After Divorce. I'm your host Carlton and as always I got my brother Reverend Jerome in the building with me. Reverend, good to be back with you.

speaker-1: Hey, it's always good to be here Carlton. Always good. I love what we're doing with this space because somebody needs the conversation today. Somebody is sitting in their car right now in a parking lot and and not ready to go inside. And this episode is for that man.

speaker-0: That's right. And today brothers, we are facing the F word. Now, before you think we went somewhere else with that, we're talking about three F words, frustration, faith, and forgiveness. And all three of them hit different when you're going through or coming out of a divorce. Rev, you ready to get into it?

speaker-1: I was born ready.

speaker-0: Let's go. Okay. All right. Let's start with the one that nobody really gives men permission to feel and that's frustration because here's what I've noticed talking to men who've been through divorce as well as myself. The frustration doesn't just show up as anger at their ex. It shows up as anger at the whole situation, the courts, the custody schedule, the finances, and honestly anger at God.

speaker-1: ⁓ brother brother brother you know I know a little something about that because I've been there personally when my first marriage ended I remember one day sitting in my car and you know I've been in the church all my life I was doing all these things I thought for God's whole time I look up and I'm like God where are you at? Have you forgotten about me? And I think a lot of men feel like they can't say that out loud They feel like if they admit they're frustrated with God, then somehow their faith card's gonna get revoked.

speaker-0: Right, like they're supposed to just praise their way through it and never feel the weight of it. Right.

speaker-1: Exactly. But here's what I want men to hear. David wrote the psalm from the floor, not from the mountaintop. He said, how long, ⁓ Lord? How long are you gonna forget me? Will you forget me forever? Now, That's in the Bible. Will you forget me forever? God didn't strike him down for saying that. God called him a man after God's own heart. So if David could bring his raw, unfiltered frustration to God and still be called that, brother, so can you.

speaker-0: that. So frustration yourself isn't the problem.

speaker-1: No, no, no, no, no. Unaddressed frustration is the problem. When you stuff it down. mask it with work, with things, with women, with alcohol, and some people unfortunately with drugs, when it starts eating you from inside out, that's the problem. But when you take it to God, when you get honest with your prayer life, that's actually where breakthroughs start.

speaker-0: So frustration can be a doorway rather than a dead end.

speaker-1: That's the word right there. Write that down. Frustration is a doorway, not a dead end. The question is, which direction are you going to take?

speaker-0: Alright brothers, before we jump into the next F word, and trust me, faith after divorce is a conversation you do not want to miss. I need to take a quick second to talk to you directly. If this episode is speaking to you right now, do three things. First, hit the like button, leave us a comment. Tell us where you are in your journey. We read those. We see you. Second, share this episode with a brother in need. You might not know he's drowning right now, but this conversation could be the lifeline he's been waiting to, he's been waiting for. Pass along. Okay, we're back. Rev, I want to get into the faith now because this one is complicated after divorce. I think it's complicated in a way that men don't talk about because here's what happens. A man prays for his marriage. He believes God. He stands on the word and still falls apart. So now what does he do with his faith?

speaker-1: Man, that is the real question. And I'm going to be honest with you. I wrestle with that as well. Because when you've prayed and believed and done the right things or what you thought were the right things, and it still doesn't work, there's a part of you that starts wondering if any of this is real. And I think God is big enough to handle that question.

speaker-0: talk about that because I think a lot of men in our audience are in that place right now.

speaker-1: So here's what I had to learn, that shaky faith is still faith. You know, there's story, the disciples were in a boat in the middle of the storm. They were with Jesus. Jesus was asleep. These were men who walked with Jesus and watched him perform miracles. And because they were in the storm, they were terrified. They woke him up and said, don't you care that we're about to drown? Now think about that. These are the energies in a circle and they're questioning whether Jesus cares. Does that sound familiar to anybody listening?

speaker-0: Yeah, I think every divorced man has prayed that prayer at some point.

speaker-1: And what did Jesus do? He didn't shame them. He didn't say how dare you doubt me He got up calm the storm and simply asked Why are you afraid? He did this because he wanted them to know I was in the boat the whole time. I never left you and brothers He is in your boat right now. Even in the midst of your storm in the divorce. Even in the midst of your storm, the custody battle. Even when you're sitting in an empty house, he is there.

speaker-0: So how does a man practically rebuild his faith when it's taking a hit like this?

speaker-1: That's great question. And my answer might surprise people. You don't rebuild it all at once. You just show up. Make yourself available. That's it. Show up to church. Even when the worship feels hollow. Open your Bible. Even when the words feel distant. Pray. Even when it feels like the prayer is bouncing off the ceiling and it ain't coming back to you. That's not weakness. I call that survival faith. And God honors survival faith. God will meet you where you are, not where you think you're supposed to be.

speaker-0: Survivor faith. I know what that feels like. I like that. You're not trying to have a mountain moving faith in the middle of the storm. You're just trying to stay in the boat.

speaker-1: is trying to stay afloat. Stay in the boat. Stay in the boat, brothers. Keep your eyes on Jesus and trust, trust that the God who calmed the storm for the disciples is the same God who is walking through this season with you right now.

speaker-0: Alright, so we talked about frustration, we talked about faith, now we got to go out to the one I know is going to hit hardest for a lot of brothers as well as myself, and that is forgiveness. Rev, let's get into it. Okay, forgiveness. After divorce, for a lot of men, this feels not just not hard, but honestly, unfair. Like, why should I have to forgive someone who blew up my family, ruined my reputation? Walk me through this.

speaker-1: Man, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that this one is easy. Because it's not easy. When I went through my divorce, I had bitterness in me that I didn't even fully recognize at first. I was showing up and how I... It was showing up and how I talked about my ex and how I approached my kids and how I interacted with women and God had to get in my face to get my attention.

speaker-0: So what did that look like for you personally?

speaker-1: It looked like him taking me to Ephesians 4. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, forgiving each other just as Christ God forgave you. Things that make you go hmmm and I remember reading that and thinking God that feels impossible right now. And I believe God said back to me, I know that's why I need you to let me do it through you.

speaker-0: Wow, say that again.

speaker-1: That's why God said, that's why you need me to do it through you. Because forgiveness is at that level, the kind that releases someone who generally hurt you. But it's not a human ability. ⁓ my goodness, this is a supernatural act and God doesn't ask you to do it in your own strength. God asks you to be willing and then God does the heavy lifting for you.

speaker-0: So for the brothers listening who feels like forgiveness is just completely out of reach, that we're out of our not mine right now, what do you say to him?

speaker-1: I say, you don't have to feel it to choose it. Forgiveness is a decision before it ever becomes a feeling. And it's not a one time decision. It might be a daily decision. It might be an hourly decision or in some cases a minute by minute decision. But every time you choose it, even when it's painful, you're taking your peace back. You're taking your healing back. You're refusing to let someone who has already moved on continue to live rent free in your head and your heart.

speaker-0: Let me make this clear because I know someone needs to hear it as well as myself. Forgiveness is not saying what happened was okay. It's not reconciliation. It's not even letting that person back into your life.

speaker-1: Absolutely. Forgiveness is for you. It's releasing the weight so God can rebuild you. The bitterness you're carrying, it's not hurting her. It's hurting you. It's blocking your healing, blocking your next chapter, and honestly, blocking your relationship with God. It's doing that because you cannot walk fully in God's grace while withholding grace from someone else

speaker-0: That's heavy, Red, but it's the truth.

speaker-1: It is the truth. And here's the thing that changed my life. Forgiveness is not where healing ends. It's where healing begins. The moment I laid it down was the moment God could finally start building me back up. And then look at me now, remarried, restored, and more than I have ever had before. That is the faithfulness of God, my brother.

speaker-0: That is a word right there. Brothers, let me bring this home. If you have been sitting with frustration and feeling like you can't bring it to God, bring it. If your faith has taken a hit and feels shaky right now, shaky faith is still faith. And if forgiveness feels like the possible to ask, you don't have to do it alone. Ask God to do it through you.

speaker-1: And want to add this, you are not less of a man because you're in this season. You're not less of a Christian because you are struggling. You are a man being refined and God does not waste the fire. God's going to use it to forge something stronger in you.

speaker-0: Okay, brother, now you know what the F stood for. Three Fs, frustration, faith, and forgiveness. Every single one of them is a doorway. If you let God walk through it with you. Now, before we go, if this episode meant something to you, go back and hit that like, drop a comment, share this with a brother who needs it right now. Find us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, and all major platforms. If you're ready to go deeper with a community of men, who get it, head over to rootingchristmen.org and join the Brotherhood today.

speaker-1: because you were never meant to walk this road alone. We're here, God is here, and your story is not over.

speaker-0: That's a wrap, brothers. Until next time, as always, remember who you are and whose you are. Stay rooted.

speaker-1: Rise strong.

speaker-0: Divorce is not you.

speaker-1: This podcast is for educational and inspirational purposes only. The hosts and guests are not licensed professionals and content is not legal, financial or mental health advice. Seek qualified experts for personal guidance. Views expressed are those of the host and guests, not affiliated organization.